did you get engaged???
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
