shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
