the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize