well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
