Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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