i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
