maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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