Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize