either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
