Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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