I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
