OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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