Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
