He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
