dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
