I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
