i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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