We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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