the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
