I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
