some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
