I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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