I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
