I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
