My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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