Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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