Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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