You made me cry and you don't even care
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
