Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
