dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
