i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize