Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
