So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That was an excessively violent trivia night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
