i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize