my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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