If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
