I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
