Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
