I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize