I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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