the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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