ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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