are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize