My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
