did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
