I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
