hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
