My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
