i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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