The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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