i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
