my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
