loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
