How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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