He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Non-Jews are for practice
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
