it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
