I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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