There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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