Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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