Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
