she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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