i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
