its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's get the cat blown out
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
