I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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