So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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