just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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