I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
did i walk over a car last night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
