My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
