Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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