You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
