Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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