I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I cockslap morals
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
