apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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