My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
