Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize