how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
