I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
