If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
MIDGETS
????
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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