thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
