i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
