i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
