Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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