I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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